Team Johansson Turns Fifty
The coolish Swede scorched the race tracks towards the first 50 Wins award of the season. He only ran 221 races in eleven days. What drove him to run so many races so quickly? We can only speculate that “television” hasn’t arrived in Sweden yet. This fact is supported by the fact that fellow Swede, Shotgun_mike racked up a further 277 runs- probably together, but only winning 37. The big SM did make more money winning more races though. What really fascinated us was discovering that Heinz is probably also Swedish because he’s the only other trainer hitting 200 runs this season.
Magic Poll: What are the odds that Desperado will beat Shotgun_mike to the next payout?
Sky Castle Stables Hitting 5,000
We agree that it is terribly gauche to talk cash in public; but if you’re one of those people who think you need to borrow a recipe book to look up gauche you’ll be terribly surprised to read how deliciously it rolls off the tongue. Especially when you savour the fact that while some people don’t even earn $5,000 a month yet Sky Castle Stables will earn $5,000 in less than two weeks of virtual horseracing. You can call it what you like but in our books that’s pretty darn impressive racing.
Next we discuss sex, drugs, rock & roll after Madonna reads from the book of Revelations.
I Did It My Way, Sqiza1
Sqiza1 Racing? Never heard of him but he’s a fine bloke! He maintains such a low profile one would swear he’s just another newbie- an accomplished newbie at that with over 2,000 races and in excess of $6,800 to his credit. Sqiza1 Racing maintains a low profile but that doesn’t mean he’s an under achiever. He just clocked up his fourth 500 Wins award recently- along with Peregrine, Jesters, La Catira Stable, Chac`s Champion Stal, Team Johansson and Murrumba Downs. The real newbie of the lot, if any, Lobster Shack joined four months ago and just hit his 500 Runs. Congratulations everyone!
Magic Poll: If your life on Raceclubs was a song- what would it be?
Fillies Gone Wild On Raceclubs
If you get your fillies liquored up before their races there’s no accounting for how they will behave. Not unlike your wife’s hen party we hear- but that’s another story. Lady Madeline, Arabian Dream, Snow Queen (yeah right!) and Pirate Queen screeched out of shotgun_mike’s stable to the winners circle- ably aided and abetted by the ferocious four fillies froem Sky Castle Stables: Diamonde Diva, Elite Jette, Queen In Check (not!) and Strawberry Walu. Fear No Evil, Nefertiri, Liquid Dreams, Sea Of Honey, Alpine Girl, Majestic Marine weren’t exactly running graciously either. It seems as though it doesn’t matter if it’s a Queen, a crown, a title… The Queen Elizabeth Classic Qualifier can bring out the worst in your fillies!
Order your exclusive copy of Fillies Gone Wild II (UNCUT)
A Race, A Race For A Horse
We thought Fluffles was a high powered maltese poodle until The Jelly Belly Stud (his words- not mine) unleashed Fluffles on an unsuspecting crowd in yesterday’s King George Classic Qualifier. Turns out that Fluffles is no pavement special but quite a horse in his own right. He’s won three claimers, 18 stakes races and a Ladbrokes Monthly Qualifier. We’re not holding our breath for the Challenge Series, and his owner probably isn’t either, but if Fluffles wins a consolation race we’ll have to call him Mr. Fluffles.
BTW: Today’s St Leger Challenge Qualifier 3Y C just needs one more runner to make a full field. And another instance!
Magic Poll: The million dollar question: Who would call a challenger horse: Fluffles?
But Would You Drink It?
Auroborealis, a fine wine unlike any other, a spectacular solar wind clashing with the earth’s magnetic fields and the bittersweet memory of one of Raceclubs’ finest champions. He was the crème de la crème of champions- and he raced for the creme de la crème of trainers, and we miss him dearly. Where are those champions of his calibre, are those golden days to become the stuff of memory? We need more champions like Auroborealis to lift our spirits and to offer us unbridled hope in these dark and depressing times. Auroborealis, gone but not forgotten. We’ll drink to that!
Magic Poll: Which horse gives you hope for the future on Raceclubs?
Auroborealis goes out with a bang in his last race of the season!
They Shoot Horses Don’t They?
A sad fact of life is that we all have to cash in our chips at the great roulette wheel of life. It makes no difference if you’re big or small, rich or tall, tinker, tailor, beggar man or thief; when your number is up- its up. Following the natural cycle of life, the old makes way for the young and the miracle of life continues. The life of a champion is no different. If you can’t earn your keep then its time to bite the bullet. Farewell to last season’s Challenge Series contenders; Quiet Deadly, Gold Show, Bolt Of Lightning, Unanimous, Choisette, Majestic Hero, Dawn Run (IRE), Supositorio Recto, Unanimous, Sky Eclipse, Wizard Dynasty, Gibraltar Rock, Majestic Rhythm, Wizard Dynasty and Majestic Knight.
Sometimes, the only sanctuary these retired horses can find is when a kindly person takes them into their hearts and creates a sanctuary for these great horses. For a nominal donation of $1,000 (once off) to my organisation, I can create a sanctuary that cares for these great horses throughout their golden years. Please note, The Edward Bell Sanctuary For Retiring Hoarses does not accept cheques or bonus credits! Nobody knows hoarses better than Edward Bell!
Terrified hoarses run for their lives to the Sanctuary For Retiring Hoarses.
Magic Poll: Whose horse would you happily retire even if you had to pay for the bullet?
Edward Bell is a freelance writer whose credits include Mens Health, GQ, FHM, Fitlife, ESPN and Times Media Limited. Unlike Graham Clifford, he has never dated Susan Boyle nor confused Raceclubs for a common noun, thinks if Jesters wrote half as much as he talks about writing he might make actually make a good writer one day and believes people only really read the Video Tipper because they have nice pictures.
This week’s Not The Raceclubs Review Competition: Which trainer do you think knows nothing about racing but he’s still a fine bloke to have on Raceclubs?
The best answer wins $15 on the spot!
DISCLAIMER: Raceclubs proudly distances itself unreservedly from any opinions expressed in this article!
Edward Bell
No comments:
Post a Comment